I must say I am one independent woman;
But there are times like today that I want to have somebody to depend on.
A person to whom I can share all these burdens with.
Somebody who at the end of the day would wait for me and ask me how my day went.
Somebody who would tap me and appreciate me for a job well done.
Somebody who would embrace me tight when I am mad or sad and then everything would be alright.
You know... that person that is meant to love me forever
and would be with me til death do us part.

I have a new crush. Haha.
Yes. him. you're right.

I was able to clean up my stuff and I have found some precious stuff like letters and love letters from way before. I am a fan of love letters. Reading them reveals so much of the heart of the writer... Or I can say that because I pour out my heart everytime I write? Oh well, so I went through them and it feels funny. Now I can appreciate some of it that was sort of annoying back then. They were incredibly written.

So today somebody is writing to me online. Somebody I don't know. Isn't that weird.
But I can get a hint that the random writing is being done to random people too.
So that doesn't really make it any special.

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...

Does it sound bad if I say I love Him?

It's a mix of excitement and fear that I am hearing my mom saying she wants to have a grandchild soon. Excitement because that's something new.

My mom is a strict parent and she was the one who always told us not to have a relationship until after we graduated in college, and when relationships ever do come up in conversations, she would be against it, like some jealous mom not wanting her children to be taken away from her. I think she still has that, except she wants babies like how she sees some people my age do carry babies, with their grandparents swooning. So when she's asked if her daughter is already married or something, she doesn't have a story to tell. I'm not really sure about that, but it's quite awkward if that topic ever gets to discussion lane.

Fear on the other hand because, having children is not easy. As I've said, I am excited about getting married and having lots of babies but when I see my friends struggle and even worry about milk and necessities, it slaps me to reality.

So what's wrong with us?
I can say that I can accept that.
That's what love can do.

I am wondering if I did okay or I have done anything wrong?
I hope somebody would tell it to my face.

I watched Twilight.

I have been hearing about Stephenie Meyer's books and all that Twilight craze-normally, when a lot of people are into some fad, that turns me off. So when my sister was offering me Twilight, the book she just finished, with all the swooning and stuff about Edward and the vampires, I said no thanks.

Then I walked at the mall and saw a poster of Twilight the Movie, I wanted to watch- but.... ahhh, I didn't want to as well; Because I know it will stir up inside me the longings I have ignored and buried for a while. Now Ladies and Gentleman here I am carrying the longings in my heart again.

Okay, in all due respect to the people behind Twilight, I really liked it. I liked the movie. I liked the story, (though there are some of the acting that I found awkward and would have comments on) and I have written a review too. I am also still saying I won't read the book- because I know I won't stop and would want to read more, and more. I do have a full semester starting right now with high expectations set before me.

So here's the delicious thought after the movie:

1. All emotion. Only words. Public Display. Faith that is dead.
2. Encouragement turned envy to ultimate sorrow.
3. I saw the monster on the mirror, and oh, it is me.
4. I wanna be there. How about where I am?
5. I am a failure- and that can create in me depression.

LORD, I have made you a place in my heart.
Please take your place-
and UNDO ME.